Father-Son Activities That Actually Build Connection (From a Dad of Three Boys)

I have three boys: Bronson (16), Blake (14) and Wyatt (8). Plus my daughter, Violet (10). If you're searching for father-son activities, you probably want more than a list of things to do on a Saturday. You want something that actually brings you and your son closer.

Here's what I've learned with my boys: the activity matters less than how you show up for it. But some activities make showing up a lot easier. These are the ones that have worked in our home, from the little years to the teen years.

First, the scoreboard that matters

Every kid has their own Connection Account with you. It works like a bank account, with deposits and withdrawals. But the currency isn't money. The currency is connection. The deposits that matter are presence, sacrifice and repair when you blow it.

Every activity below is just a way to make a deposit. Do it half there, phone in your hand, and it's a small one. Do it fully present, and it counts.

1. Wrestle with him

When boys get to be about 4 to 15, they need roughhousing. They want those moments with dad where they can show you how strong they are. Wrestle with your boys. Just don't break your wife's favorite decoration piece.

When they're 2 and 3, it's letting them sit on your shoulders and twirling them around. Physical touch is a big part of connection, and it isn't just mom's job.

2. Do the thing HE loves (even if you don't)

When Bronson was little, he was very into Legos and dinosaurs. Those weren't my things. But I made them important to me because they were important to him.

One of the biggest things we can do as dads is be excited about what our sons are interested in, not what we want them to be interested in. If you do that, he'll trust you, love you and know without a doubt that you care about the person he is, and that you're not trying to turn him into somebody you want him to be.

3. Play catch

Simple, and it still works. A while back, Wyatt stormed off from dinner, slammed his door and locked it. Something had been said at the table and he took it the wrong way. I knocked quietly. "Who is it?" "It's Dad." He unlocked the door. I lay down next to him and asked what made him so upset. I explained what was actually meant, then told him three great things I admire and love about him.

I could feel the sadness lift. Then he said, "Dad, can we go play catch?" I said, "Absolutely." Before I knew it, funny, silly, excited Wyatt was back. (The whole story is in how to help an upset child calm down.)

Catch isn't really about the ball. It's side-by-side time where he can talk, or not.

4. Invite him into your chores

"Daddy, can we..." usually comes at the most inopportune times. When my boys were little and it came in the middle of a chore, "No, I'm busy" was true, and that's ok. But a lot of times I'd invite them in instead:

It gives him so much pride and ownership. And guess what? Connection deposit.

5. Coach his team, or at least don't miss the game

As Bronson grew, around 4, 5 and 6, I coached his teams, didn't miss his sporting events and showed up at teacher conferences as his dad. Not every dad can coach. But being there shows him the things he cares about are important to you.

Then comes the part a lot of us get wrong: the car ride home. Your son already knows about the 0-for-3 and the missed catch. He doesn't need the lecture. He needs an ear that listens. There's a time to coach your kids, if you know what you're talking about, but the car ride after the game is never the time. More on that in what to say to your kid after a bad game.

6. Take him fishing (even when work is calling)

On Blake's 14th birthday, he wanted to fish the Salt River. Money was a bit tight. I could have been working and earning, but I'd have missed the trip. My flesh was torn. I took him fishing.

Memories with my kids will always outweigh my earnings. Sometimes the best father-son activity is simply the one he asks for, on the day you'd rather be doing something else.

7. For teen sons: let him run the music

Once your son is a teen, a lot of the best activities don't look like activities at all. When you're driving, let him run the music. You most likely won't like it. Just sit and listen. It gives you insight into his life and his world.

My two oldest share a bedroom. A lot of nights they're already lying down reading, and I sit in the rocking chair in their room. Sometimes a long conversation happens. Other times it's quiet for a bit, I can tell nothing is pressing on their heart, and I say goodnight. The point is giving them the opportunity to come to me. (More in how to connect with your teenage son.)

When you blow it, repair is part of it

I don't want you thinking I have it all figured out. I once disciplined Wyatt, only to find out later he wasn't guilty. I had to go to him and say, "Buddy, I really messed this one up. I should have done it differently. Will you forgive me?"

For Wyatt to see his dad be vulnerable showed him I care about his heart. We won't be perfect. But we can recover some of the withdrawals we make with our mistakes. Here's how I apologize to my kids.

Pick one this week

You don't need a flexible schedule for any of this. Not every dad has one, and that's ok. But everyone has free time. Great dads connect during that free time. They don't retreat or check out, no matter how tired.

Pick one from this list. Wrestle on the living room floor tonight. Say yes to catch. Invite him into Saturday's chore. Let him pick the music on the next drive. Phone in another room.

Own It (where roughhousing lives), Love What They Love and Invite Them In are all chapters in The Distracted Dad: The Foundation. For sons heading into the teen years, The Distracted Dad: Guide to Teens goes deeper. You can find all five Distracted Dad guides at stan.store/gabetrevizo, $24.99 each, or the Complete Collection for $79.99.

Know a dad raising boys? Send this to him. It might be the nudge he needs today.

Presence is the best present. — Gabe