I don't want you thinking I have it all figured out. I have the same stresses, the same desires and the same struggles as you. I fail my kids and my family regularly. I've dropped the ball as a father many times.
So if you're searching for how to apologize to your child, I'm right there with you. Here's what I've learned.
The time I got it wrong with Wyatt
I can remember disciplining Wyatt, my youngest, only to find out later he wasn't guilty. The wrong accusation, not believing him, the punishment: all of it was a withdrawal from his account with me.
If I hadn't gone back to him with a sincere apology, that's all it would have been. Withdrawals. So I went to him and said, "Buddy, I really messed this one up. I should have done it differently. Will you forgive me?"
It ended up being a mix of deposits and withdrawals. And honestly, for Wyatt to see his dad be vulnerable showed him I care about his heart.
The apology script I use
"Son, I'm really sorry, I messed up. I overreacted. Will you forgive me?"
Short. Specific. No excuses. Then ask for forgiveness and wait.That's it. Own what you did, name it, and ask.
The apologies that backfire
Kids can sniff out insincerity easily. A sarcastic or condescending apology hurts the relationship more than no apology. Watch out for these:
- "I'm sorry, but..."
- "I'm sorry you feel that way."
- "I'm sorry, but I just felt like..." Don't ever turn it into something about you.
Why apologizing makes you a stronger dad, not a weaker one
We're all human. We fail. When it's sincere and real, there's no better connection deposit than heartfelt humility. Your kids learn how to own their mistakes by watching you own yours.
We won't be perfect. We can't do it right all the time. But we can recover some of the withdrawals we made with our mistakes.
Start tonight
Is there something you need to own with one of your kids? Don't wait for the perfect moment. Go to them, keep it short, and ask for forgiveness.
Free for busy dads: The Busy Dad's Bonding Cheat Sheet. Real ways to connect with your son or daughter in 1 minute, 10 to 20 minutes or 1 hour. Three pages. Grab it and pick one idea for tonight.
The full apology and repair chapter is in The Distracted Dad: The Foundation. You can find all five Distracted Dad guides at stan.store/gabetrevizo, $24.99 each, or the Complete Collection for $79.99.
Presence is the best present. — Gabe
