How to Help an Upset Child Calm Down: What I Did When My Son Locked His Door

My youngest, Wyatt, is 8. He's my ball of energy. When he's having fun, he's a blast: funny, charismatic, silly. But when he's not getting his way or not in a good mood, he can be a tornado.

If you're searching for how to help an upset child calm down, here's a real night from our house.

What happened

We were eating dinner and something was said to Wyatt that he took the wrong way. He stormed off to his room, slammed the door and was very upset. The table burst out laughing. Not really at Wyatt, but at how big his reaction seemed to everyone else.

My job as dad in that moment was to care for Wyatt's heart.

Step 1: Go to them, gently

I went to his door. It was locked. I knocked quietly. "Who is it?" "It's dad." Then I heard the door unlock.

Step 2: Get on their level and ask

He was on his bed with big tears in his eyes. I lay down next to him and said, "Do you want to tell me what made you so upset out there?"

Step 3: Listen, then explain

He told me what he heard and what he thought was said. There was some truth in what he heard, but what was meant wasn't what he thought. I explained it the best I could.

Step 4: Speak life into them

Then I told him three great things about him, things I admire and love about him. I could feel the sadness lift.

Step 5: Let them lead the way back

He said, "Dad, can we go play catch?" I said, "Absolutely." I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the head and we went outside. Before I knew it, funny, silly, excited Wyatt was back.

That was a big deposit in his Connection Account.

Try it next time

Go to the door. Knock quietly. Lie down and ask. Listen. Tell them three things you love about them.

Real moments like this one fill The Distracted Dad: The Foundation. You can find all five Distracted Dad guides at stan.store/gabetrevizo, $24.99 each, or the Complete Collection for $79.99.

Presence is the best present. — Gabe