A house falls out of escrow. A contractor fails you. Your marketing team isn't performing. You were expecting huge growth that month, and the sales didn't come. I run multiple businesses, so I've had every one of those days.
Then you walk in the door, and your kids are right there.
If you're searching for how to not bring work stress home, here's what I've learned as a business owner and a dad of four: Bronson (16), Blake (14), Violet (10) and Wyatt (8).
My kids don't see my highs and lows
My kids see me running multiple businesses every single day. I work from home, so they hear the business talk. But if you asked them how my day went, they'd probably say, "He seemed fine." Whether I had a huge win or a huge loss.
They probably see my demeanor as focused and level. They don't really see me get high, and they don't see me get low. I don't bring my losses into my kids' life. I don't want my losses impacting their sense of security within our family.
Now, if I get a big win, we might celebrate. But the losses stay with me.
Don't wallow. Get back on the horse.
A lot of keeping it level comes down to how you handle the setback itself. I think the routine is just hard work. You can't wallow in disappointment. When something falls through, there's no way you can just sit there in it. The only option you have is to get back on the horse and iterate.
Set parameters on your work
I'll be honest. At times I'd get ultra focused on my business. Every waking moment I was focused on it, whether I was working on it or just thinking about it.
So set parameters on when you're working on your business. Don't take time away from your kids with the excuse, "I'm doing this for them." That may even be true. But they don't need you to work 70 hours a week. They need you present and focused in these very fast years. Schedule your work time around time with them, and give them good hours of your time, not the leftover hours.
In our house, we give family time a name and put it in the calendar. We eat dinner together about ninety percent of the time. Friday night is family night. It is our schedule. The intention is that one day our kids will bring their spouses and our grandkids to it.
Business is on your phone. Put it down.
The biggest thing for men these days: business is on our phone. If we're always on our phone, we're not present. And our kids are looking at us. They know exactly what is important to us.
So have times where the phone goes down and stays down. Dinner is the easiest place to start. (More on that in put your phone down, dad.)
Let them in on the work, not the stress
Keeping the losses away from my kids doesn't mean hiding the business from them. My kids help with it. They've helped with shipping and modeling. They hear the business talk, and they ask what my companies do day to day and whether they could do it.
Here's what they've learned from watching. Business isn't easy. Dad can struggle balancing family and businesses. Business is a big part of my life, and it's given us a great life, so they appreciate it and the hard work behind it. But it's not the most important thing. They're held way above any kind of business win I've ever accomplished.
Even Shark Tank. It was a cool experience, but in my mind it was just another business. I don't look at Shark Tank as the definition of who I am as a dad, as a family man or as an entrepreneur.
The Connection Account
Every kid has a Connection Account with you. It works like a bank account, with deposits and withdrawals, but the currency is connection. The deposits that matter are presence, sacrifice and repair when you blow it.
Walking in after a rough day and still showing up level and present for your kids is a deposit. And when you do blow it, own it: "I'm really sorry, I messed up. I overreacted. Will you forgive me?" (Here's how I apologize to my kids.)
When work and family collide
On Blake's 14th birthday, he wanted to fish the Salt River. Money was a bit tight. I could have been working and earning, but I'd have missed the trip. My flesh was torn. I took him fishing. Memories with my kids will always outweigh my earnings.
Start tonight
Before you walk in the door tonight, decide the day stays outside. Phone in a drawer at dinner. If it was a win, celebrate with them. If it was a loss, it's yours to carry, and tomorrow you get back on the horse.
It's okay to work on business and also be a great dad. You can do it. You can build businesses and still be the dad you want to be.
Free for busy dads: The Busy Dad's Bonding Cheat Sheet. Real ways to connect with your son or daughter in 1 minute, 10 to 20 minutes or 1 hour. Three pages. Grab it and pick one idea for tonight.
I wrote a whole guide for dads whose phone is their office: The Distracted Dad: The Business Dad. You can find all five Distracted Dad guides at stan.store/gabetrevizo, $24.99 each, or the Complete Collection for $79.99.
Know a dad who carries work home every night? Send this to him. It might be the reminder he needs tonight.
Presence is the best present. — Gabe
