I run businesses. I've been on Shark Tank. I know what it's like to have an entire company living in your pocket. The deal, the email, the text that "just needs a quick reply."
So when I tell you to put your phone down, I'm not saying it from a cabin in the woods. I'm saying it as a busy dad who has to choose it, too, every single day.
Your kids are watching where your eyes go
The biggest thing for men these days is this: business is on our phone. And if we're always on our phone, we're not present.
Here's the part that stings. If we're always looking at our phone, our kids are looking at us. And they know exactly what is important to us.
They don't hear "I'm providing for this family." They see the top of your head. They see that the screen wins. Kids don't need a speech about what you value. They watch where your attention goes.
I challenge you, dads: put your phones down and give your kids the attention they deserve. Be connected.
Presence is the best present
Fatherhood is about connection. And connection comes from presence. Not presents. Presence.
I think of it like an account. Every kid has their own Connection Account with you. Deposits and withdrawals, but the currency is connection. "Phone down, eyes up" is a deposit. "Always on your phone" is a withdrawal. Most of us are making withdrawals without even noticing, one scroll at a time.
"But I have to work"
As men, we want what we want, and we'll often say things to make it sound okay. I have to work to provide. I have to go in this weekend to close that deal. The trip won't be successful unless I'm there.
Sometimes that's true. But be honest about the rest of it, too. The golf. The hunting and fishing trips. The video games. The phone.
The good news is it isn't one or the other. It's what you do with the time you give them. I've built multiple companies without sacrificing my relationships with my kids. It's possible. But it takes being intentional.
On Blake's 14th birthday, he wanted to fish the Salt River. Money was a bit tight. I could have been working and earning. My flesh was torn, but I took him fishing. Memories with my kids will always outweigh my earnings.
You don't need a flexible schedule. You need to not check out.
Not every dad has a flexible schedule, and that's okay. You don't need one to be a great dad. But every dad has free time: evenings, weekends, off time.
Great dads connect during that free time. They don't retreat or check out, no matter how tired they are. That's where the phone gets us. We come home exhausted, and the phone is the easiest place to disappear. This isn't meant to shame you. It's meant to challenge you.
Try the 20-minute timer
Here's a tool I love, especially for girl dads. Your daughter wants you to play Barbies or make-believe. Honestly, you don't want to. Your team is playing, and you want to check out in front of the TV.
Set a timer on your phone for 20 minutes. Then put the phone face down and play, fully committed. Don't look at it. When it buzzes, you know you gave her 20 of your best minutes. Even a busy Saturday has 20 minutes in it.
"I LOVED playing with you, you're so fun. Now daddy has to do some things that aren't as fun. I'd rather keep playing, but daddy has chores too!"
Give her a hug and a kiss. She'll usually hug your neck and say, "Thanks, daddy!"Notice the trick: the phone becomes the thing that protects your time with her, instead of the thing that steals it.
Small, phone-down habits that add up
None of these take much time. They take attention.
- Bedtime, phone in another room. Books, prayers, lying down with them, or sitting in the rocking chair in your teens' room. Routines give kids security.
- High/Low at dinner. Everyone shares their high and low of the day, and you talk about it.
- Let your teen run the music in the car, and actually listen.
- Invite them in. When "Daddy, can we...?" comes in the middle of chores, try: "I'd love to, but right now I'm cleaning the pool. Want to help? Once I'm done, we can play catch."
- Be silly. Dress up. Play make-believe. Every night, Violet's Bunny comes to life with my best bunny voice. You can't do that with one eye on a screen.
Your hands can't hold them if they're holding a phone
Connection starts young, and a lot of it is physical. Rocking them. Letting a two-year-old sit on your shoulders. Twirling them around the kitchen. When boys get to be about 4 to 15, they need roughhousing. They want moments with dad where they can show you "how strong they are." Wrestle with your boys. Just don't break your wife's favorite decoration piece.
You can't do any of that one-handed. Physical touch needs both hands, and both eyes. That's one more reason the phone has to go in the drawer.
One week, phones down
Here's a simple challenge: this week, trade one thing you love for one thing they love. Skip the round of golf and go to the game. Leave the phone in the truck at practice. Sit in their room at bedtime without it.
That's the real test of sacrificial love. Not "I'd die for my kids." Would you put the phone down for them tonight?
Put it down. Make a deposit. Then make another one tomorrow.
Presence is the best present. — Gabe
