Maybe your teen gives you one-word answers. Maybe the door stays shut. Maybe you can feel the distance and you don't know how it got this wide.
If you're searching for how to reconnect with your teenager, I want to be straight with you: it's possible, and it's on you to go first.
It's dad's job to repair
A teen who barely talks to dad, with a dad who sincerely wants to fix it: dad has to lean in, even when it feels like the kid isn't interested. It's dad's job to repair, reach out and create touch points.
Your teen has most likely been hurt. They won't believe you're for real at first. They want to make sure you mean it. Keep showing up anyway. Over time, you can win your kid back.
Own your part first
We're all human. We fail. When I do, I own it, I ask my kids for forgiveness and I mend the relationship. Teens can sniff out insincerity fast, so it has to be real.
"I'm really sorry, I messed up. Will you forgive me?"
Not "I'm sorry, but..." Don't make it about you.Create small touch points
Don't try to fix it in one big talk. Make small deposits into their account with you:
- Let them run the music in the car. You probably won't like it. Sit and listen. It gives you insight into their world.
- Sit in their room at bedtime. I sit in the rocking chair in my boys' room. Some nights we talk a long time. Some nights it's quiet and I say goodnight.
- After the game, just listen. No lecture.
- Get interested in what they're into, not what you wish they were into.
Lead with relationship
Teens still need a dad who leads. But discipline without relationship leads to rebellion. Relationship has bought me so much grace with my oldest, Bronson.
When it's serious
If the hurt runs deep, work with a counselor who can lead the reconciliation. That's not weakness. That's leaning in.
Start today
Pick one touch point and do it today. Then do it again tomorrow, whether they respond or not.
Free for busy dads: The Busy Dad's Bonding Cheat Sheet. Real ways to connect with your son or daughter in 1 minute, 10 to 20 minutes or 1 hour. Three pages. Grab it and pick one idea for tonight.
For the teen years, The Distracted Dad: Guide to Teens is about leaning in when they pull away. You can find all five Distracted Dad guides at stan.store/gabetrevizo, $24.99 each, or the Complete Collection for $79.99.
Presence is the best present. — Gabe
