Every kid needs discipline at some point. My oldest, Bronson, was no different. Neither were the other three.
If you're searching for how to discipline your child with love, here's how I think about it as a dad.
Don't hand it all to mom
It's easy to let mom handle discipline. But it really is our job as fathers to raise our children, especially our sons, and to discipline them because we love them. If we didn't love them, we wouldn't discipline them.
My wife, Cindy, is my partner. She has my back and I have hers. Leading in discipline is one way I have hers.
Relationship first
This is the line I keep coming back to: discipline without relationship leads to rebellion. Relationship is key.
Every kid has a Connection Account with you, like a bank account where the currency is connection. If the account is full, discipline lands as "dad does this because he loves me." If it's empty, it lands as control.
Be consistent with your word
As kids grow into adolescence, consistent leadership matters more and more. Don't go back and forth on your word. Kids find security in a dad who means what he says.
Know your kid's heart
My boys and my daughter take discipline differently. When Violet was little, I could raise my voice and her eyes would fill with tears. Her heart is tender. With her, I've had to be more aware of my tone and my words. Same standards, different delivery.
When you get it wrong, own it
I once disciplined Wyatt for something he didn't do. When I found out, I went to him: "Buddy, I really messed this one up. I should have done it differently. Will you forgive me?" Owning it turned a withdrawal into something he'll remember for the right reasons.
Show love, not just say it
Tell your kids you love them. Then show them by your sacrifice. Give up things they know you love to do and be at their game instead. That's what makes discipline believable.
Free for busy dads: The Busy Dad's Bonding Cheat Sheet. Real ways to connect with your son or daughter in 1 minute, 10 to 20 minutes or 1 hour. Three pages. Grab it and pick one idea for tonight.
Discipline with relationship gets its own chapter in The Distracted Dad: The Foundation. You can find all five Distracted Dad guides at stan.store/gabetrevizo, $24.99 each, or the Complete Collection for $79.99.
Presence is the best present. — Gabe
