All kids are a blessing. But little girls are different. Being a girl dad hits differently.
My daughter Violet is 10, about to turn 11. As I've connected with her growing up, I've always had her wedding day in mind: the day I get to walk her down the aisle and give her away to a very lucky gentleman. We actually talk about who her husband will be and the traits he'll have. With my daughter, I'm an example of who she should look for one day.
If you're searching for how to bond with your daughter, here's what has worked in our home. No theory. Just what I've done, and what I'd do again.
Play her game while she's still asking
Violet and I used to play Barbies every Saturday and Sunday. It was our ritual. At times I hated it, because it cut into my chores and the things I wanted to do with my weekend. But I did it anyway. And I didn't just do it. I was fully present. No phone, no distractions. Just Barbie and Ken and the gang.
Well, she's 10 now, and sometime in the past six months she just stopped. I don't remember our "last time" playing Barbies. This happens all the time. We won't know it's the last time.
The other day I told her, "We need to play Barbies. I miss that time with you." She smiled and said, "Yes, we need to do it one last time."
Here's the lesson: she won't ask forever. Say yes while she's still asking.
One-on-one time with your daughter: the 20-minute timer
Girl dads, she'll want you to dress up, play Barbies and play make-believe. A lot of the time you won't want to. Your team is playing. You want to check out in front of the TV. I get it.
So set a timer on your phone for 20 minutes. Play fully committed, and don't look at your phone. When it buzzes, you know you gave her 20 of your best minutes. Even a busy Saturday can give 20 minutes.
"I LOVED playing with you, you're so fun. Now daddy has to do some things that aren't as fun. I'd rather keep playing, but daddy has chores too!"
Then give her a hug and a kiss. She'll usually hug you around the neck and say, "Thanks, daddy!"You just made a huge deposit into your Connection Account with that little girl. Schedule it. Initiate it. Before long, your relationship will be super close and strong.
Build a nightly ritual (ours has a bunny)
When Violet was two or three, I got her a bunny. Bunny has been her number one favorite toy ever since.
Every night, Bunny comes to life. I do a bunny voice, and we talk. Sometimes about serious things, like friendships. Sometimes about silly things. She loves that moment with me, and it's one of the main ways I've connected with my daughter: time every night, playing make-believe.
You have to be willing to be silly. Don't take yourself so seriously. Enjoy your kids. Routines like this give her confidence and security in her relationship with her dad. Be as consistent as you can.
Love what she loves
One of the biggest things we can do as dads is be excited about what our kids are interested in, not what we want them to be interested in.
For my son, it was Legos and dinosaurs. For my daughter, it was Barbies and Bunny. If you invest in the things she loves, she'll trust you, love you and know without a doubt that you care about the person she is, and that you're not trying to turn her into somebody else.
Sacrifice is the deposit she remembers
We've all heard "I'd die for my kids." Most of us would. But that's not a realistic test. Make it tangible: would you miss an important dinner for your daughter's rehearsal? That's the real test of sacrificial love.
Barbies every weekend cut into my weekends. That was the point. She could tell what it cost me, and she could tell I chose her anyway.
Show her what to look for
She's watching how you treat her, and how you treat her mom. My wife, Cindy, is my partner. She has my back, and I have hers. Our kids have special, unique relationships with each of us, and in certain seasons each kid needs each of us differently.
When your daughter sees a dad who is present, who keeps his word, who apologizes sincerely when he blows it and who loves her mom well, she's learning what a good man looks like. That's the standard she'll carry into her own life.
When you blow it, own it with her
Her heart is tender. Tone and words land hard. I don't have it all figured out, and I fail my kids regularly. When I do, I own it, ask for forgiveness and mend the relationship. Not "I'm sorry, but..." Not "I'm sorry you feel that way." A sincere, simple apology: "I messed up. Will you forgive me?" Kids can sniff out insincerity easily. When it's real, there's no better deposit than heartfelt humility.
At dinner, try High/Low as a family: everyone shares their high and low of the day. It's an easy way to hear what's going on in her world, and to let her hear yours.
Start this weekend
Pick one: set the 20-minute timer and play whatever she wants. Start a tiny bedtime ritual, even if it's just two minutes and a silly voice. Ask her about the thing she loves right now, and actually listen.
She won't ask forever. Say yes while she's asking.
Presence is the best present. — Gabe
