Once a year, my daughter Violet and I have our daddy-daughter dance night. We've done it every year since she was five. She's 10 now, about to turn 11.
If you're looking for daddy-daughter date ideas, I'll give you a list at the end. But first I want to tell you about the one that means the most to me, because the idea behind it matters more than any list.
Why one-on-one dates with your daughter matter
Every kid has their own Connection Account with you. Deposits and withdrawals, but the currency is connection. A date is one of the simplest deposits you can make.
When Violet was little, our one-on-one time was Barbies every Saturday and Sunday. Then, sometime in the past six months, she just stopped. Now our one-on-one time looks different. She wants to know that I care about her heart, that I hear her. She wants to talk about friendships, and why people act the way they do. The conversations go a lot deeper. She wants real answers.
Those conversations don't happen in passing. They happen when it's just the two of us, and she has all of me.
Our yearly daddy-daughter dance night
She dresses up nice. I dress up nice. I take her out to a fancy dinner, and we talk. After that, we get ice cream or dessert, and then we head back home.
By the time we get home, my wife will usually have the front room set up as a full-out dance party: the strobe light, her playlist, everything. A silly dance floor. And we dance.
I have two left feet. I'm not a good dancer. But I'm 100% into it, and I'm dancing, as terribly as it is.
Because I know that one day, we'll have our last one. So I live in that moment with her, and I enjoy it. I'll never forget it or take it for granted.
I learned that lesson with Barbies. I don't remember our "last time" playing. We won't know it's the last time. So I'm not going to waste the ones I've got.
How to plan your own dance night
You don't need a ballroom. You need a date on the calendar, a nice outfit and a willingness to look a little ridiculous.
- Pick a night and tell her it's coming. Let her look forward to it.
- Both of you dress up. Let her choose her outfit, and compliment it.
- Take her to dinner, fancy if you can, simple if you can't. Talk.
- Get dessert. Ice cream counts.
- Dance at home. Ask your wife (or a family member) to set up the front room: music, lights, a strobe light if you have one. Make a playlist of her favorite songs.
- Dance like nobody's watching, even with two left feet.
- Take a picture every year. One day you'll be glad you have them all.
Do it with your wife
Cindy makes the dance party happen. My wife is my partner. She has my back, and I have hers. Our kids have special, unique relationships with each of us, and that's great. This night is one of the ways she helps build mine with Violet.
And remember, your daughter is watching how you treat her mom. She's learning what a good man looks like. With my daughter, I'm an example of who she should look for one day.
Small dates: coffee and ice cream
The dance is once a year. The rest of the year, one-on-one time with Violet is coffee dates. It's taking her out for ice cream and talking with her.
It doesn't have to be big, and it doesn't have to be expensive. What makes it a date is that it's just the two of you, and she has all of you. Surprise her with a coffee date. Bring her flowers.
Phone away. Let her order whatever she wants. Bring one question, then mostly listen.
Put it on the calendar or surprise her. At the end, tell her you loved spending time with her, and plan the next one.Let her choose: a birthday morning at the pond
For her tenth birthday, Violet decided she wanted to spend the morning fishing. So we tried a community pond nearby. Just me and her.
She caught a bunch of fish. But more importantly, we talked about a lot of things. About her growing up so quickly. About what her experiences have been. About her favorite thing about her family. About what she looks forward to most about growing up, and why she wants to be a mommy so much.
Catching the fish was secondary to the experience we shared that day. I'll remember those conversations. And I'll also remember the eight-pound catfish she reeled in.
Violet chose fishing. Your daughter might choose coffee, ice cream, a walk or a drive. Let her pick, and then let her talk.
Simple daddy-daughter date ideas
These come from the things Violet and I actually do. Most cost little or nothing.
- Coffee and treats: a surprise coffee date, ice cream and a long talk, dessert out, just the two of you
- Just because: flowers for no reason at all, a drive where she picks the music
- Play: 20 minutes of Barbies or make-believe on the timer, her game; dress-up, if she asks; her favorite toy comes to life at bedtime
- Outdoors: a morning fishing at a community pond, a backyard campout with s'mores and a story circle
- The big one: daddy-daughter dance night: dress up, dinner, dessert, front-room dance party
- At-home version: dress up at home, dessert in the kitchen, music and lights in the front room
Make it a rhythm, not a one-time event
Keep the dates going, even when she gets busy and acts like she's too old for them. Everything you do now is a deposit you make before the teen years arrive. Connection at a young age drives trust, and trust builds openness when the hard things start happening.
So this week, take her for coffee or ice cream, just the two of you. And today, put this year's dance night on the calendar. Then dance with her, two left feet and all.
Presence is the best present. — Gabe
