If I had to pick one time of day for a busy dad to own, it would be bedtime. It happens every night. It's quiet. And kids open up at bedtime in ways they won't at the dinner table.
Here are the bedtime routine ideas that have worked across all four of my kids, from little years to teen years.
Why routine matters so much
Anything we can do as a routine as fathers gives our kids confidence and security in their relationship with their dad. Be as consistent as you can be. Your kid learns: dad shows up, every night.
Little kids: bath, books, prayers, lie down
When my kids were little, the routine was simple. Bath time, then lying down with them in their bed, reading books and saying prayers together. Every night.
Some men feel like that's mom's job. It isn't. I took baths, rocking and late-night drives to get them to sleep. I owned it, and that was the beginning of our connection.
Get silly: let a stuffed animal talk
I got Violet a bunny when she was 2 or 3. She's 10 now, about to turn 11, and Bunny is still her number one favorite toy. Every night, Bunny comes to life. I do a bunny voice, and we talk about all kinds of things: serious stuff, friendships and plain silly stuff.
She loves that moment with me. Being willing to be silly and play make-believe has been one of the main ways I've connected with my daughter. Don't take yourself so seriously.
Teens: the rocking chair
Bronson (16) and Blake (14) share a bedroom. Their nightly routine looks different now. A lot of times I'll go in and they're already lying down reading. I sit in the rocking chair.
Sometimes a conversation happens, and it turns into a long one. Other times it's quiet for a little bit. I can tell nothing is pressing on their heart, so I say goodnight and leave. The point is giving them the opportunity to come to me, at the same time, in the same place.
Start tonight
Pick one kid. Go in tonight with no phone. Read, pray, do a silly voice or just sit. Then do it again tomorrow night.
Free for busy dads: The Busy Dad's Bonding Cheat Sheet. Real ways to connect with your son or daughter in 1 minute, 10 to 20 minutes or 1 hour. Three pages. Grab it and pick one idea for tonight.
The full nightly routine chapter, little-kid and teen versions, is in The Distracted Dad: The Foundation. You can find all five Distracted Dad guides at stan.store/gabetrevizo, $24.99 each, or the Complete Collection for $79.99.
Presence is the best present. — Gabe
